I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
