I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
