Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize