im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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