That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
