Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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