I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
