Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
