this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
