I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize