My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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