it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
