I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
