it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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