Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
