You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
