The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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