the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
