3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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