The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
