Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
