I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
