If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
