He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
