I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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