sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
