I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want a musical about memes.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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