Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
