My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
