Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
