I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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