dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
