I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
