you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
