highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
