tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
