I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I forgot how hot balto sounded
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
