If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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