Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
