Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's never too late to be topless.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
