i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
