It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
