I just pynch a tree in the face
She's like a pop up book from hell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
