guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
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