I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He better not be in your backpack
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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