Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
