Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
