I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
