Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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