I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
