I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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