found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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