hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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