Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
