apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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