so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
