So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Randomize
