Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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