Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
