Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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