Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
